Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
