i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
