Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
