This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
