textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
