Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize