Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
