is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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