a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
