WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
