i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
