I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
