nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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