dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
