the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
