When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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