There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
