First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
