Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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