it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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