fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
