Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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