I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
