YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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