She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
