i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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