I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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