I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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