i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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