Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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