just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
