So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
