you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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