I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just google imaged poop.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
