party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
