omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
