yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
