Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
