too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
