Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
