He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
