we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we're making bets on your personal life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
