If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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