Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize