We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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