We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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