I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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