i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
