ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
