There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
