Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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