I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize