I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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