Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
