I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
