i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize