Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Terrible idea I love it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
