I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
