Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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