wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
