I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize