WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
