I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
