awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
