What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
