; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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