very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
