ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Found your dick twin last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
