You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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