I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
