dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
