Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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