but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
