i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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