Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize