i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
