blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The uberlube is also flammable
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
